I want to preface this post by saying everyones experience is entirely different and that, in most ways, you are in control of your own destiny. These are just my personal thoughts and how NYFW has been for someone who suffers from social anxiety.

I guess I should start by clarifying what social anxiety is. Social anxiety is the fear of social situations that involve interactions with other people. Those with social anxiety are often perceived as being shy, quiet, withdrawn, unfriendly, nervous, and disinterested.

You’re probably wondering how someone who works in social media can be socially anxious and trust me it’s a double ended sword. My social anxiety first came about four years ago when I attended NYFW. It was the first time I had ever experienced it and at the time I didn’t know what was going on.

My first NYFW experience was brutal to say the least. I was just starting out as a blogger and didn’t know many people in the industry. I actually attended as a writer for an online magazine.I wanted so badly to attend and this was my only way in. At the time I was working a 9-5 assistant position and had zero money to spare. I took the chance and when I got there all my dreams burst into flames. My social anxiety took control of me. I became unbearably nervous, unfriendly and retreated into my own shell (to be completely honest the atmosphere didn’t help either).

I was fortunate enough to be invited to shows as I was representing the publication and that was unbelievably epic for me. To see a runway show? Get out of town! I was ecstatic but that was probably the beginning and end of the good stuff. The industry was extremely snobby, self-serving, non-inclusive and I felt like every event I attended was just a who’s cooler than who battle. I felt lost in a sea of “Instafamous” people. I wanted so badly to love it and feel included but I just left feeling defeated, worthless and sad.

I promised myself that I would never attend or put myself in that situation again. But…if you follow me on Instagram you know that I went back on my promise. I attended this season and it wasn’t as bad as before. I’m older, have been in the industry for quite some time and I’m aware of my issues. I steer clear of anything that will be “too much” and I always make sure to have a friend by my side (it helps ease the nerves and grounds you).

We all have different stories to tell – this just happens to be mine. I hope that this resonates with some of you and I hope that you never feel alone in your battle with social anxiety. Remember you are worthy, you are beautiful and you are you. Never let your light go out…